I’m fighting a bittersweet battle. On the one hand, I am thrilled to have lost weight. On the other, I constantly find myself thinking about how things would’ve been had I looked/felt this way in the past. Moving to Iowa and starting a career felt like the perfect opportunity for me to finally lose weight.
I did. But there are days – like today – I am nostalgic. What if I had looked/felt like this when I was in Spain? Israel? At ASU? Would I have experienced things differently? Would I have seen things differently? Would people have treated me differently? Would I have treated myself differently? I understand those questions will never get answered, but they linger. I think of the way I feel today, and I wish I could tell 19-year-old me to figure my stuff out so I could feel it all the time.
I guess it’s all for a reason, and I’ve done this now as a supplemental challenge to moving to Iowa, away from my family and friends and the sun and all that I’ve known. Getting healthy and fit has been my distraction, and it’s been a great one.
Now, I want to do something about this knowledge I’ve gained as a result of the 55-pound loss. I want to inspire those looking to make a change. I want others to know how much more there is to life than food. I did.
It’s a bittersweet battle, but it’s worth fighting.